Mr and Mrs Tillanghast

have a son named Waldgrave.

Waldgrave was not born

so he can not die

and

Waldgrave Tillanghast

who does not dream

likes to

pretend.

He pretends that he can breathe

and he likes to pretend that he blinks

just like a normal person.

Waldgrave Tillanghast

the boy who was not born and can not die

likes to pretend.

The man who brought you

An American Werewolf in London

is going to bring you

David ” Doctor Who Tennant ” Who as

William Hare.

Hare, in case you are not aware of it, was the other half of team Burke and Hare- and back in the day they were a couple of serial killers who found a very novel way of covering up their crimes.

They sold the evidence to a Medical College and the Medical College in turn used the corpses for dissection.

I know, I know, the story goes that Burke and Hare killed all of those people for the money.

But nobody does what Burke and Hare did for money, they did it because they liked it.

So that’s the story of Burke and Hare according to me.

According to John Landis the story of Burke and Hare

is a comedy / thriller.

in this youtube clip at about 10 minutes in Landis confirms David Tennants role in his upcoming film

Well, you know I guess that’s not to far away from the reality of the situation.

I can find something funny in the story of Burke and Hare.

After Burke was hung, they put his skeleton, death mask and items made from his tanned skin on display at the same college that was duped into helping him cover up his crimes ( Hell hath no furry like an College scorned )

And Hare disappeared without a trace.

I learned this from CSI- the TV Show- nobody disappears without a trace.

It’s just that there’s no telling where that trace will turn up.

The possibilities are dark, endless and dare I say

amusing.

LINKS

David Tennant Joins Simon Pegg in John Landis’ Burke and Hare

from

First Showing dot net

 David Tennant to star in ‘Burke And Hare’

from Digital Spy

Latest Casting for John Landis’ ‘Burke and Hare’

from Bloody Disgusting dot Com

Doctor Who Meets Shaun

from Joblo dot Com

He was in every story she ever wrote;

sometimes he was a hero, sometimes a villain sometimes he was a face in a crowd but he was always there.

It was his voice she heard when she wrote.

Her name was Violet Hunter.

Violet’s stories passed in and out of fashion a very long time ago but  on Halloween somebody somewhere tells a version of one of her stories and when they do they don’t realize that Violet Hunter was born on Halloween and died on Halloween

comes back to life, for a little while.

Both  Violet Hunter the writer and the young man whose name was Milo Playfair

Once years ago, it was at Halloween Party, somebody told a story about Milo and the shade of Violet Hunter sat next to the storyteller like she sometimes does and in her mind’s eye Violet was watching Milo live again when she heard someone say:

” Those stories are so weird, have you ever thought of developing them into a play or something ?” asked a woman who was dressed as witch and whose real name was Karla.

” Actually, I was thinking about turning one of them into screenplay. These stories are amazing. They’re visual you know? They’re just made to be put on the screen. I’m not sure, but back in the sixties I think someone was working on a screenplay based on one of her stories – it was called Typical Trixie. Nothing ever came of it. The project died the way some them do. Still. I think I would like the chance to do an interpretation of one. You know, make it my own- in a way. “  Bailey told Karla.

Violet would have narrowed her eyes, but she didn’t have them anymore- she hadn’t for years. But she could see fine as mist a man with his hair slicked back. He was wearing a cape.

Violet was not amused.

Bailey the screenwriter told Karla, “ Her life was made for the screen too.  Violet started to write after her boyfriend disappeared without a trace on her birthday-. He had  been gone for a few years  when Violet ups and starts writing all these horror novels . So everyone figures she had something to do with his disappearance.   It turns out to he was in an accident, a stupid car accident and they find this kid in his car at the bottom of the Duwamish River fifty years after he disappears. But really it probably helped to make her career. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by stories written by a suspected murderess?”

” So what happened to her?” Karla asked Bailey.

” The day they bury her friend’s bones, she’s  was in her early 70’s by then, she disappears from the graveyard.”

” Come on.” Karla laughed

” Seriously. They found her car in the lot in front of the Funeral Home and she’s gone. They never found her” Bailey insisted.

The shade of Violet reaches out and traces a line on the back of the neck of the woman dressed as a Witch and when the Witch reaches back to warm the cold that is creeping up and down her spine Violet whispers into her ear, ” maybe there was nothing for anyone to find.”

” Maybe there was nothing for anyone to find.”

” What?”

” Oh. Nothing. So she disappeared from the cemetery?”

” Yes.”

” Well. In my opinion that’s your movie. An old school horror writers from the what- 1940’s disappears from a cemetery. And what’s going on that day? The body of her friend- who she was falsely accused of killing is laid to rest. Now that’s a movie I’d pay to see Bailey.”

” I know, but I can’t get away from it. Those stories of her’s  it’s like they’re alive. “

” So you say.”

Bailey says more to himself then to Karla, ” I want those stories of hers.”

Violet stands up, walks behind Bailey and puts her hands on his shoulders.

She squeezes and Bailey turns his head painfully from left to right.

” I wonder how she did that, made those stories live like that.” Bailey says.

Violet leans down and whispers in Bailey’s ear, ” Milo.”

Violet covers Bailey’s mouth and nose with her hand and he begins to cough. She pulls her hand away and he takes a breath. ” I wonder why no one has ever tried to do this before. Those stories are just made to go up on the screen.”

Violet covers Bailey’s mouth and nose with her hand and this time as he struggles for air  she does not let go.

Instead, she tells Bailey who is desperately clawing at his face, ‘ Like you said,  a long time ago somebody did try to make one of my stories their own- but the project died the way they sometimes do.”

 front yard.

Not in the back yard, not hidden in the side yard.

But right in

THE FRONT YARD.

If I can’t have that I’m hoping that one day I’ll at least have haunted furniture like Max has.

Check it out HERE

I thought I’d post these Halloween Story Starters, they’re fun and you can either use them to write a story or have a few to put into the old brain for something to talk about with your friends on Halloween Night.

Myself, when I tell stories on Halloween Night, I will swear up and down they’re true. To pull that off you need to have a story ready to go…just an FYI.

These are basic, but the best stories are.

Have Fun!

a.m.

 1.It was a cold Halloween night when I saw the…

 2.The mad scientist was creating a new monster that could…

 3.The large cauldron of  liquid started to boil when…

4.I got an eerie feeling when I heard…

 5.The mysterious object started floating in the air and…

 6.The Halloween pumpkin turned into a…

7.The black cat started to crouch and hiss when…

 8.Something in the closet was making a strange noise, so I opened the door and…

9.I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw…

10.As I carefully entered the haunted house, the door shut behind me and…

11. Something in the window…

12. It’s teeth were…

13. We have always called it the Witch’s House..

14. The Halloween Shop on the corner..

15. I never believed in monsters until…

16. The key to the basement…

17. Ogilby was a gravedigger and last Halloween…

18. We  found the Halloween Costumes in my Grandma’s attic…

19 .Make up your own Scary Starter.

 Adapted from A Cauldron of Halloween Ideas

Welcome To Anita’s 13 Days Of Halloween.

These are 13 Things that just scream

Halloween

to me.

Want to know what they are?

Okay.

First up: 

Moonlight

It has the power to turn people into beasts

and it can drive the sane- insane.

When I was a kid my Grandma used to teach me to sing songs from the 1920’s and the 1940’s. We’d sit in the kitchen and she would smoke ( Grandma Ginger! ) and we would sing and as a result of those lessons to this day I use phrases like  bees knees and cats Pajamas , snazzy, peachy keen and  hard boiled.

Grandma Ginger taught me this particular song-just before Halloween, so in  my mind that’s what this was. A Halloween Song. I’m not making that up.

In this song a woman is hunted down by moonlight and she starts to remember this man she fell in love with. It was weird because the moonlight was there when they fell in love and it was warning him ( in my five year old mind ) not to do this awful thing.

Also, she kept talking about him stealing her heart, which led me to believe she was walking around  and singing without one now.

That was Pure Horror in my five year old brain.

I decided that something very bad must have happened to him for doing that

and turns out  it did because as my Grandma sang and I repeated the lines after her  it occurred to me he was gone and the last person to see him was this woman.

Who was still alive even though she had no heart.

” How did she do it?” I asked my Grandma stopping us mid-song.

” Do what?”

” Did she drown him?”

” What?” My poor Grandma Ginger, she should have just had that word tattooed on her forehead because she said to say it every single time I opened my mouth.

“Or did she shove him off a cliff and into the water ?” I asked 

” Marie, this is a famous love song.” My Grandma told me.

 I slid off the kitchen chair and headed out to my tree  house in the back yard, and I remember it like it was only yesterday. I turned around and said to my Grandma, ” Sure it is….sure it is Grandma.”

Ogilby Nisbet and Dunny Vipont work at Leaning Birches Cemetery where they dig graves.

They don’t dig graves with shovels, like they used to do in the old days- Ogilby and Dunny use back hoes. And in addition to the new world equipment in an old world job now days Ogilby and Dunny are have titles.

Instead of being called, ” Grave Diggers- they are refered to on their job applications as  ‘Cemetery Engineers’.

Though, if you ask them, they still call themselves Grave Diggers.

Ogilby and Dunny are two very practical guys.

One afternoon Ogilby and Dunny were watching a funeral procession making its way to the children’s section.

The Children’s Area, unfortunately tagged with the nickname ” Baby Land ” years ago by the locals  was decorated with brightly colored pin wheels and stuffed animals and plastic toys looked from a distance- providing you ignored the gravemarkers- more like a playground then a graveyard.

” Hey Dunny, did you hear about Mira Bane?”

They watched the hearse stop and then the Funeral Director lined up the pall bearers and they carried a little white coffin to the grave Dunny had dug early that morning.

” Nope.”

” Shop talks says  she’s coming back.”

Dunny mumbled, ” Damn.”

” Indeed Dunny. Damn indeed”

” I truly hate that woman Ogilby.”

Dunny shrugged, ” Don’t we all.”

” You know, ” Ogilby said as they watched family of the dead child bow their heads ” I thought the last time was really the last time. I mean, she hates us, we hate her, the only person who half way can stand her is Danny Clay” Ogilby said referring to the receptionist at the Funeral Home “ and that’s only because Danny’s family for the most part are patients at Endalen and Danny  will trust anyone with the keys to her house who  is not on anti-psychotic medication.”

“Patients?”

“Well. Inmates. My point is, why does she keep coming back?”

” Whoops. Heads up. It looks like they’re winding it up down there. ” Dunny said. ” I don’t know why she keeps coming back. Hey. Who cares why she keeps coming back. We know how to take care of that particular situation. After all. We have the tools and the know how.”

“ Yeah. Aren’t we the lucky ones.” Ogilby mumbled.

” I think so.”

” We are truly the low dogs in the pack. ” Ogilby said to Dunny.

” No we’re not. We are Cemetery Engineers.”

” Shut the hell up Dunny.”

” Come on. we have a job to do.”

Dunny and Ogilby walked back to the maintenance building and instead of walking around to the back where the heavy machinery was parked and discreetly hidden from view by greenery growing behind and in front of a nine foot tall cyclone fence,they walked through the side door and into the room where the gardening and maintenance tools were kept.

Dunny choose a shovel and Ogilby took a pick axe and they walked along the side road to the old Cemetery- which according to the little brass direction side at the curve in the road was called “Remembrance Hills “

” The thing of it is Ogilby, if you do a job right the first time, you  shouldn’t have to do it a second time…”

” Or a tenth.”

” Yeah well. “

” This just makes us look bad Dunny.”

Dunny didn’t say anything he just sighed and when they got to the leaning birch tree they saw the ruined lawn and the knocked over headstone and they both said ” cripes. ” at the same time.

Every time Mira Bane came back the grave under the birch tree ended up looking like this and it was Dunny and Ogilby’s job to fix it- they had to get the maker repaired, they had to put down new sod and then they had to do it quickly and quietly and they had to be ready to drop what they were doing and blend into the scenery when someone walked or drove by, which happened a lot because tourists loved this part of the cemetery.

So that also meant they had to work clean, which was not easy when you were dealing with dirt.

” I hate Mira Bane. ” Dunny and Ogilby said at the same time.

Then they watched the dirt shift and then they saw a pale white hand, tinged with purple and missing its thumb nail work  its way up at them from the dark dusty earth under their feet and Ogilby said with a pained expression on his face and in his voice  as he raised the pick axe over his head” so why does she keep coming back?”

As a rule if you have to explain a story you probably have a problem with it-like it’s not ready to be told yet.

However, I’m going to explain this one for a very good reason.

I wrote it as part of a project at the Soul Food Cafe.  Recently  I was reading through the older work that I’ve done there and I came across this story- and liked it. I liked the way the characters played off of each other and I liked the feel of the Diner in the middle of nowhere.

To wrap this up,  this story is my very own version of Frankenstein’s Monster and being that Halloween is coming I thought I would  done some edits to try to help it stand on its own. There were about three ‘chapters’ before this one and almost as many after it, so if you feel as if you’ve walked in on the middle of a conversation, you are right.

So in the Spirit of that, please come along with me to

The Fork In The Road

I am traveling through a place called The Valley of The Bones in a bright red jeep with my friend who was stitched together from body parts stolen ( it’s not like they give them away you know ) from a cemetery by his parents and until very recently was hiding in a house owned by a crazy man who killed his wife and in the end had a famous poem written about them by a famous writer with a drug problem.

What will appeal to the public now days is getting to be very predictable.

Anyway, back to my story:

As you can see I guess my friend’s parents  really wanted a kid.

I’ve always really wanted a dog but look- unlike some people I have limits for what I would do to get one.

My name is Sunny Longyear and friend’s name is:

” Milo.  After all of these years I  still can’t believe your parents named you Milo.” I make sure to snort and laugh extra loud- even though this stopped being funny about 600 miles ago.

” And I can’t believe you had parents. With you I see some sort of spawning scenario.” Milo is shading his eyes- I guess the light is hurting them.

Good I thought to myself.

That spawn comment was mean.

” Hey. That’s funny. You want to hear something funnier then that?” I ask as I reach into my under the driver’s seat where I store important stuff like breath mints and lip gloss and my Pez Dispensers.

” No.”

” Well, this is not a magical journey-” I say as I pull my favorite sunglasses from under the seat and toss them on Milo’s lap. “ This Jeep is not magic. We are getting low on gas.”

” I know something funnier then that.” Milo tells me.   Didn’t hear what those people were saying when you told them where we were going? Oh no wait. You couldn’t have. You were- oh how did you put it- you were resting your eyes on the bar. … Let me refresh your memory, they told you to not drive through the Valley of the Bones, they told you to stay out of it, they told you it was a stupid, stupid idea. So what did you do first thing this morning?”

” I bought this  jeep and stocked up on Pez and Water. But I forgot to find a Valley Of The Bones map. My bad.”

” God.”

“As a rule Milo, I think it’s a dumb idea to buy a car on the fly. But what I really like about this vehicle, no matter what it’s faults will be down the road is this-  it  doesn’t talk.” I point out to Milo then I turn on the radio. ” It does that instead. Pretty neat- don’t you think?

” What am I doing here?” Milo looks like he’s about to jump out of the Jeep and take his chances with the a giant scab of land called The Valley of The Bones when we go up and over a hill and there right in the middle of the road- is a Diner called.

” The Fork In The Road.”

There are gas pumps out front, an old fashioned Soda  Pop Machine with motor that was working extra hard because of the heat and a tin sign that was being pushed back and forth in a breeze of wind that was not there.

” Well. This is convenient.” I say to Milo.

” Yes. It is.”

” We should probably just keep going.” I say.

” I think so.”

” Pump or Pay?” I ask

Milo reaches over and I hand him some cash and then he goes, all alone  to

The Fork In The Road.

After what seemed like hours ( you stand there and pump gas in over 100 degrees, I promise you that minutes will indeed turn into hours and hours in a matter of seconds ) the Jeep’s tank was full, I wanted to leave and I could see Milo through a dusty window talking to a woman in a yellow and white dress with a cap on her head, and I’m not thinking waitress when I see her- I’m thinking

…Nurse…

and on the heels of that thought I start to see keys…keys and locks and doors that only lock and open from the outside and then I run straight into the diner before I can change my mind.

 Milo is looking at the Woman and the woman is looking at him and the Diner is cool and dark. There is only one table and two chairs in the entire diner and the menu on the wall behind the cash register says:

TODAY’S SPECIAL:

YOU!

Welcome To The Fork In The Road

breakfast served all day long

Brother I think to myself  as I read the sign -would you like some crackers  with that CHEESE?

” Hey Milo, did you pay up? We have to go…”

The Waitress ( Nurse, it’s a Nurse  but I won’t let that thought live in my head for to long ) says to me while looking at Milo ” You’re friend was asking me if we had a map. Of course what you need in a place like The Bones is a guide.”

” Really.” I practically shout at Milo’s back hoping that will make him turn around.

” This one, ” she says to me ” stinks of the grave and one doesn’t have to look very deep to see how flawed it is.”

“It- he has his moments.” I say as I try to figure out why she thinks Milo is a guide.

” He’ll do in a pinch…but…”

” Time to hit the asphalt Milo, let’s get a move on- ” I grab Milo’s arm and pull him away from The Waitress ( Nurse ) and when I look at him I can see his glasses are off and…

” You took his eye! You sick piece of work, give it back!”

The Waitress pulls a lace hanky from a pocket in the front of her apron and she dabs the corners of her mouth with it and then she delicately folds it and puts it back.

If she burps, I’m going to pull her heart out of her chest with my bare hands I think.

Instead of burping she says:

” Leave it here.  Leave it here and I will guarantee your safety anywhere in this Valley- even beyond it. I can do that. Let’s sweeten the deal- being as you were kind enough to make a delivery to my establishment- I think that is in order. Let’s say  I’ll even find  something more proper to guide you.  What do you say?”

” I say that the day I need help from a nasty  grave robbing  Ghoul  that’s the day I go back to my house in the suburbs, paint it pink, get married and get a dog named Spot. That’s what I say.

Milo. Door. NOW.”

I reach down and grab my sunglasses off of the floor and as I do I catch a familiar scent coming up from the floor.

I know that smell, I used to smell it everyday for over 20 years at work at the Funeral Home.

 I know that smell.

It’s embalming fluid.

And

The Fork In The Road

Diner-

the diner that serves breakfast from dusk to Dawn

 reeks of it.

Milo and I are standing next to the Jeep I have named Tomo and he’s saying we need to just get in drive and I tell him, ” I know how to get rid of that thing. ” I say as I point to the diner.

The Waitress is in the Window looking at us and by the time the sunsets she will be on the in front of the window and by the time night falls on The Bones she will be out on the road doing what Ghouls have always done.

” She took your eye and ate it Milo.”

“Well, technically it wasn’t my eye to begin with.”

You know- Milo does have a point.

” Look. Just tell me. Why do you want me to let it live. Just answer me that. That Ghoul  is one nasty piece of work and if this place were to burn to the ground with her the world would not miss either one of them.  In fact, it might just be a better place for it.”

Milo gets into the Jeep and takes the sunglasses off and as he wipes the dust off of them with the tail of his shirt he says, ” I don’t think either one of us are in a position to say who lives or dies in this world. I think we should leave that to the people who actually live in it.”

He looks right at me and I look into Milo’s empty eye socket and I agree.

I climb up into the jeep and turn the key.

And then we drive away.

“I had an idea once, ” Merton Ware told the empty house across from his front yard across the street ”that you were haunted”

The house waited patiently for Merton to continue.

” I used to think I saw people walking around the yard late at night, I thought I saw people looking out of  your windows. Of course that isn’t possible because you’ve been abandoned since the day Mrs.Miller fed that poisoned dinner to her family.”

Merton crossed the street to the House and the House shut its upstairs window, slowly.

” I suppose I was just seeing things.”

If the House could have, it would have backed away from Merton Ware.

” Mrs. Miller, now if there was ever a candidate for a ghost that bedevils anyone-living or dead, it was Mrs. Miller.”

The House agreed with Merton.

Nobody knew Mrs. Miller like the House had.

It had watched Mrs. Miller go from being an espresso drinking, track suit wearing Soccer Mom to a woman who had spent days planning a meal and then hours preparing a meal to kill her family with.

In between her meal planning Mrs. Miller had pushed a woman off a bridge while she was out on one of her morning jogs and on another day burned down an empty house in the next town over- the fire had spread and burned down an entire apartment complex.

They never did find all of the bodies.

Mrs. Miller was honestly surprised at how easy it had been for her to do those terrible things.

They house knew this because Mrs. Miller had sat in her kitchen and talked about her crimes into her cup of morning juice. When she was done talking she had gotten up, went into her bathroom and got ready for one of her very busy non- cold blooded killing days.

” I guess what I need to do is face the simple fact, you are not haunted, are you? No ghosts are dragging their chains through your halls, nothing is hiding in the basement, nothing is plotting in the attic no monsters under the beds or in the closets- am I right?”

Darn straight, thought the house to itself as it idly opened and closed its kitchen cabinet doors.

Merton said firmly, ” You are not a haunted house.”  and then he turned and strode back to  his house and shut his door firmly shut behind him.

The house popped it’s floorboards a little and said to itself as it watched Merton walking around his living room, a pale vaporous figure in the late afternoon half light

” Well. You might be wrong about that  Merton Ware.”

Photo By: keyseeker

” I really hate masks. ” Melanie told her friend at lunch in the break room  at work.

Her friend, Libby, was trying to open a bag of Cheesy Twists and she asked ” Why?”

Actually Libby  wasn’t really listening to her friend. What she really focused on  was to getting into the bag of Cheesy Twists which was a chore because the stupid bag wouldn’t tear open.

Libby loved Cheesy Twists, she loved to pop them into her mouth one by one and just let that cheesy goodness melt on her tongue. She could make a handful of Cheesy Twists last a half hour because of the way she ate them.

” I guess I hate them because they have that one expression- it’s like looking at the face of a corpse. I don’t care if it’s a scary mask or a cat mask or a feather mask. They bother me.”

Libby got up and went to the counter and started to look through the silverware drawer. She found a fork and stuck it into the bag and tore it open.

” That’s weird.” Libby mumbled as she looked at the previously indestructible bag.

” I know it’s weird.” Melanie said ” And what are the stores full of right now?”

Libby hoped they weren’t full of Cheesy Twist bags like the one in her hand.

” Halloween masks. They’re everywhere and they freak me out Libby. I mean, why do people need to hide behind those things? They’ re hot and smelly and if someone tried it on before you, well…”

” Ugh.” Libby said as she dropped a Cheesy Twist onto her tongue.

” Exactly. It’s to disgusting for words.”

The Cheesy Twist in Libby’s mouth was stale. It was as hard as a cough drop.

” What?” she said as she spat the Twist out into her hand.

” The way people hide behind masks. The way they’re willing to suffer to hide behind them.”

” Oh yeah.” Libby shook the little bag in her hand and dropped two fat, golden orange Cheesy Twists into the palm of her hand.

” I wonder why anyone bothers. I wonder why they just let their real faces show- I’ll bet they’d end up looking just like those horrible masks anyway”

 Libby tilted her head back and shook the little bag into her mouth. “Mmmm.”

” I mean. Why pretend to be something you aren’t? Why not just be what you are? Doesn’t that make more sense?”

When the bag was empty Libby wadded up her empty Cheesy Twist bag into a ball and then she shot it into the garbage can.

She made her shot and hissed, ” yessss….”

Melanie looked over to her friend and she nearly cried in relief. ”You don’t think I’m weird for hating those things. Right?”

Libby woke from her Cheesy Twist dream state and was able to focus on her friend’s pain filled face.

” No I don’t think you’re weird for hating Halloween masks Mel. And I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening to you at first. All I could think about was my snack. And you’re my friend. I’m a jerk Melanie. So look. If you hate masks so much…

Libby reached under both sides of her jaw with her hands,” I won’t wear this thing around you anymore.”

Photo By: patriciaegreen

 There are Zombie Pirates

and Keith Richard Pirates ( thank you for that Johnny Depp )

and of course

Pirate Wenches

But there is only one

Ching Shih.

Ching Shih was the most awesome Pirate ever: Ching Shih and her fleet were known to rob markets, towns and villages from Macao to Canton.

She was unstoppable- so the Chinese Government offered her ‘amnsesty’ and she retired.

In the end she got to keep her loot, her freedom and she died at the age of 69 which is something like 100 in Pirate Years.

Ching Shih-

My First Choice

In

 what to be

for

Halloween

Now

for some

fun pirate stuff-

A Fun Pirate Song:

And last but not least

some fun

Pirate Clipart Sites:

I should mention: I grew up in and around Seattle, so there is no WAY I could not mention the

Seattle  Seafair Pirates.

They are awesome they are Sprit of Seattle and I forgive them for the time they took my little sister at a Seafair Parade in the early 1970’s

AND BROUGHT HER BACK!

Seattle Seafair Pirates

Pirate Kings Of The Pacific Northwest since 1949

VISIT THEIR SITE HERE-

My Favorite Pirate Flag

Photo: A.M. Moscoso

Bentley Fremont always had a bone to pick with somebody, somewhere. He was always arguing, he just couldn’t help himself.

One year a co-worker of Bentley’s kept saying that the freight elevator was making a strange sound when it stopped on the third floor- she also insisted that the safety gates on each floor looked like they were hanging funny. Maybe they should get it looked at she told Bentley.

There was no real reason to not get it looked at. The company they worked for had a service contract with a company whose only job was to work on the freight elevator. Bentley told her, even though he could see exactly what she was talking about from a couple of dozen feet away from the elevator doors that she was right.

So Bentley opened his mouth and what came out was, “I’ve worked here for twenty years,”

“Good for you Bentley, but the gates look crooked and when the car stops-“

“It’s not doing anything new Suzy.” Bentley told her “I would have noticed.”

“Maybe it’s because you’ve been looking at it for 20 years that you have not noticed anything new. Maybe it’s worked its way sideways over time.  Who cares? Let’s just get it looked at.”

He winked at her and shook his head. “Nothing is wrong with it Suzy.”

A few days later when Suzy- who refused to use the elevator to ride on- was loading some boxes onto the car and as Bentley was walking on his way to his work station Suzy told him she had called the company to come in and take a look at the elevator. She was tired of just stacking things in the elevator and then walking up after it to unload it.

Bentley laughed at her shook his head and went up to the next floor.

He made sure he was alone in the hallway and then he pulled out his cellphone and called Moore’s Elevator Service and cancelled the service call request.

It happened an hour after Bentley cancelled the work order.

Suzy was unloading the elevator when the gate broke away from it’s track and came down on the top of Suzy’s head. She bit off part of her tongue and the teeth that did not break apart in her mouth were knocked out of her head.

She lived for about an hour after the accident.

Bentley went to Suzy’s funeral.

Her coffin was pink and it was trimmed in silver, her headstone was pink granite and it was not marked with her name.

It said:

Bye For Now

“ That’s weird.” Someone said at Bentley’s shoulder as they stood at Suzy’s graveside and watched the coffin being lowered into the ground.

And Bentley said, because he could not help but to argue with anything anyone said “No it’s not.”

It was right after the funeral when Bentley was getting into his car that he had his first door problem.

He had just gotten into his car and was about to pull the door closed when it slammed shut- it slammed hard enough to shake his car. He grabbed his steering wheel and said:

“That did NOT just happen.”

Harder to argue against but still there was the the problem he had with the door at the bank.

He walked through it and it slammed shut- which is something that those automatic doors never do- they might get stuck open or closed but they don’t rattle and then slam shut. The door at Bentley’s bank did and he wasn’t all the way through when it happened.

It’s a good thing those doors were made from safety glass the paramedics said as they were checking on Bentley.

 “Actually, “Bentley said “ I think I was far enough over the threshold, that’ why it wasn’t worse.”

It was like that for Bentley for the next two weeks- doors would slam shut on his face, or just after he walked through the doorway. His car door was the worst. He had bruises on his shoulder and his hip from that door.

“ You’re having the worst luck with doors Bentley.” His neighbor said the day after he got a black eye from one of the kitchen doors which had swung open all by itself.

“ Oh, I don’t  think so.” Bentley said.

“ Uh-huh his neighbor said “ whatever Bentley. But if anyone asked me I’d say doors don’t like you very much right now.”

If you knew Bentley and  heard him argue against the killer door theory that everyone else had at the moment, you’d think Bentley was arguing because that’s we Bentley did.

The thing of it is- this time Bentley wasn’t arguing just for the sake of arguing .

The doors weren’t trying to hurt him.

Suzy was.

Suzy was there the day of the funeral-standing next to his car in the dress her family had buried her in.

“ I’ve come back to get my revenge on you Bentley. I think I might just kill you. I’m thinking I’m going to like doing that an awful lot.”

Bentley stood there for a minute looking at her.

“ This is for real Bentley. I haven’t even gone to my grave yet. That’s how bad I want to get even with you.”

“ This is not for real.” Bentley told Suzy.

Suzy rolled her dead eyes up into her head and she said to herself, “ Jeeze.”

So Suzy had been there for each door attack- but Bentley wouldn’t admit to himself that a ghost was trying to kill him and the Ghost’s weapon of choice were doors.

Where there was a door, there was Suzy.

She was everywhere.

Finally Suzy showed up at work , she wasn’t wearing her funeral dress. She was wearing the black t-shirt and her beat up jeans and black converse shoes with the little yellow hearts on them that she had died in. She was drinking pop from red plastic cup and Bentley could even hear the ice crackling inside of it.

“ I’ve been here all morning Bentley and do you know what? There’s still something wrong with that elevator. It’s making the same sound that I heard  just before the gate crashed on my head. I don’t think they fixed it.”

“ Yes they did.” Bentley told her.

“ Couldn’t have.”

“ They fixed the gate.” Bentley told Suzy’s ghost.

“ But Bentley I said there was something wrong with the elevator. That’s why the gate was busted.  I think something was wrong with the car. You know that.”

“ Nothing is wrong with the elevator Suzy.”

“ If you say so.”

Bentley lifted the gate and stepped onto the elevator.

“ The elevator is working just fine Suzy, so why don’t you crawl into your grave and make the worms happy.”

” ‘kay.” she told Bentley.

He waved.

She waved back and as the elevator car went up Suzy’s ghost said, ” come on come on….”

The car clanked and hummed up to the third floor and just before the brakes caught hold Suzy saw the safety gates in front of her shake and then she hear something snap from above and the freight elevator car with a very surprised looking Bentley flashed by her.

” See you Bentley!” she called down the elevator shaft.

Suzy put her ear to the gate and smiled.

This time there was no argument from Bentley.

None at all.

Photo: A. M. Moscoso

One Night

I set out on a trip all by myself.

I did not have a map or a ticket I did not know where I was going.

I went alone.

And I stayed alone.

For awhile.

Towards the end of the trip I heard someone coming towards me-

And then I heard someone breathing

just around the corner from where I was was walking

all alone.

And then I stopped.

” Someone there? “

I asked.

No one answered.

” Hey!  Is someone there? ” I called a little louder.

The breathing stopped and the footsteps came towards me

from around the corner.

I closed my eyes tight and put one foot in front of the other and then I flew towards the breathing and the footsteps and the voices that cried out:

” What the hell was that? ” came the voice from behind me and then below me as I took to the darkness above

” What the Hell was that! “

| View Show | Create Your Own

” Do you have Wax Teeth? ” the old man asked the cashier at the Halloween Megamart.

” Excuse me?” she asked as she touched her fingers to her lips.

That was the problem with working in a Halloween store- you had to dress up every single day and sometimes you forgot about the devil’s horns on your head or the pirate patch over your eye.

” Wax teeth, the ones that look like Vampire teeth. I’ve been instructed not to buy the was Ghoul teeth or the Ogre teeth, but specifically the Wax Vampire Teeth- the edible ones.”

” The edible ones. “

” Yes, the edible ones- mind you,  not the bubblegum ones, not the peppermint flavored ones but the Wax ones that you can chew into a wax ball the size of Barbie Doll’s head.”

” We don’t have those, I mean I think we sold them a long time ago. But now you can mold your own fangs and re-use them…like false teeth.”

” False fangs?” the Old Man said to himself.

” And then we have the hard candy fangs and glow in the dark teeth…”

” but not the wax ones…”

” Nope, we don’t have anything that will leave you with a mouth full of something the size of a doll’s head.”

” Well. I can’t say I’m disappointed to hear that. So let me see…” he opened his jacket and took a list from out of his front pocket ” what else I’m supposed to ask about. Oh here we go. Do you have Witch’s Costumes?”

” Sir, we have nothing but Witch’s costumes. ” she pointed to the wall behind her and the old man leaned forward and started to read the labels on the packages.

” Kissy Witch, Glamor Witch, Sassy Witch…my goodness. Are all of the costumes cut low…you know in the front?”

” Pretty much.”

” I see I see I see. Heavens. Well let’s hope we have a little more luck with with this one.”

He took a deep breath,  looked up from his list and winced. ” Werewolf  masks? “

” I think you’re in luck. On that wall in the back of the store we have Pirate Werewolves, London Werewolf, Psycho Werewolf and I think we still  have some Werewolf Wench masks- that one is popular with women. It comes with the Werewolf Wench costume.”

” You don’t say.”

” It looks great with boots or heels.”

” Well. I guess that’s the fashion now days-Sassy Witches and  Pirate Werewolves and the like.”

” Yep. It’s been that way for a while.”

” So if one wants to fit in during the festivities that’s the way to go.”

” Yeah.”

The old man shrugged. ” Well. That is the idea. Let have two sets of Vampire teeth-the ones you can make yourself and the glow in dark ones, let’s go with the Sassy Witch, The London Werewolf and if you have anything that could help me look like a Mad Scientist I think this could work.”

The cashier neatly stacked the costumes on the counter between them decorated with bats and palm sized walking brains. After she did that she went over to the accessories wall and started to pull little packages off the pegs and as she did that she mentioned different Halloween Parties that were opened to the public. They were family events she mentioned guessing that’s who he was buying all this stuff for.

She saw the Old Man writing something down in a little notebook with an actual pencil and she told him she had flyers and would put them into the bags. That way he could take his time chosing which ones to go.

 She bagged each costume seperately and when she was finished Old Man that there were no refunds on the costumes.

” You’ve been very helpful, ” he told her as he took his packages.

” Well you’re welcome and have a Happy Halloween.”

” Yes, well…here’s to hoping.”

He walked out of the store, down the street and turned the corner and waiting for him  at a bus stop was a tall thin man, a woman with long black hair and sitting on a bright green bench was another man with mismatched eyes-one was icy blue and the other was dark brown.

” How did you do?” the woman asked.

” I think this should do it. I think these will work. “

He handed them each a bag with dancing pumpkins on the front.

The man on the bench looked into his bag and looked up. ” London Werewolf.” he said

” It was either that or something called Psycho Werewolf. It came with a knife. Please, please don’t ask me why Marley.”

The thin man reached into his bag and took out the glow in the dark teeth and he asked, ” this is what Vampires wear now days?”

” I got expert advice in the matter Lorne.”

” Sassy Witch.” the woman said.

” I know Hester.”

” Sassy. Witch.” she said with her eyes closed.

” I know.” The old man said sorrowfully.

” Well.” said London Werewolf ” I’m willing to give it a try.

Lorne opened his mouth and his glow in the dark teeth smiled at them.

” Sassy. Witch.” Hester said again.

” Look. I’m a Mad Scientist. How amusing is that?” he asked the three of them as he reached into his bag and pulled out a little jar full of eyes bobbing in red liquid.

” Well. As long as we fit in that’s all that matters. ” Sassy mumbled darkly. “For one stupid night. I hate candy corn. Do you guys know that?”

The Mad Scientist ignored the dark cloud that was forming around Sassy’s head.

Marley pulled the Werewolf mask out of the bag and held it up and sighed. ” It’s a little obvious, isn’t it? I mean put this on and they can see you coming from a mile away.”

” What difference does it make Marley?” Hester asked ” We were bad at this the first time around. In fact at the end of the day we ended up becoming laughing stocks. Look at this stuff, will you? I mean really look at it.”

Hester grabbed Lorne’s bag turned it upside down and a black cape and pair of blue spectacles fell out and landed on the green bench. She put her hands on her hips and looked at her friends. ” Go on. Say something.”

” We were losers” Lorne sighed.

” Keep it coming guys.”

Marley shrugged, ” We never got into a fight we could win.”

Hester tapped the side of her nose and pointed at Marley’’s crestfallen face.

” Stop this Hester.”

Hester looked at the old man and said one word. ” Benji.”

” Not Benjamin, but just…Benji.” she sneered.

” You are cruel Hester.” Marley said.

” No Marley. I am a Witch. And may I remind you, if it weren’t for me none of us would be here right now.”

The three of them looked at her and she shrugged.

” Let me refresh your memories which may be a little foggy. In case the three of you have forgotten we weren’t very good at doing the things we were supposed to do. In fact, I’d go as far as to say we were absolute failures in our given fields. I mean if I hear ‘ hung from your neck until you are dead’ one more time I am seriously going to lose what is left of my last nerve.”

“ I got staked to the ground…” Lorne whispered ” my best friend thought he was doing me a favor by releasing my soul.”

” Shot.” Marley sadly said more to himself then anyone else ” by my own Father.”

” Burned in my lab…” Benji shook his head ” It wasn’t the greatest work but it was all I had after losing my family- they died during the Plague you know. I worked for years to bring them back…but like you said Hester. We were failures in our given fields.”

Hester looked at her friends and realized she had done what the experts had been trying to do for centuries. She with just a few words had killed what was left of her friends great though somewhat dark Spirits.

” Yeah well, it was bad. Like you’ve been saying for almost a month now Benji it’s only for one night. I mean one night where we can actually enjoy being who we are”

Hester looked down at the ground below her feet and kept them there.

” You would actually go along with this. ” Lorne asked her.

” Well.” she mumbled in reply. ” For one  night.. I guess it wouldn’t kill me.”

Marley  held the mask up to his own face and said with a little lift in his voice, ” London Werewolf.”

” Psycho Wolf…don’t forget. There’s such a thing as a  Pyscho Werewolf now.” Lorne said with admiration.

” Well  hey now. ” Marley said ” Look at this” he said tapping the coffin-shaped box in Lorne’s hand that held the fang making kit. “Wow. People make fangs on purpose now. Back in the old days having a set of those in your mouth could get your head chopped off”

” I suppose after all we’ve been through ” Benji said “ we’ve earned one night of fun .”

” I suppose- but these costumes Benji.” Hester argued.

“But Hes. London Werewolf..”

” You’re from Girvin Marley.”

” Yeah.” Lorne said, ” Yeah that’s true but this stuff is….”

” Freaking awesome.” Marely roared as he pulled the mask onto his head. ” I’m doing it. I am going for it. Hester you can either be yourself or you can be a little more and have some fun doing it. Come on. It’s just for one night. Let’s do it.”

” Be ourselves for one night.” she let the words swirl around her for a moment and she looked at her friends and told them, ” Okay I’m in. And who knows? ”

They looked at her and she was relieved to see their eyes starting to burn a little brighter as the Sun started to fade and the stars started to shine,

 ” If we can blend in for one night, we may consider blending back into all of the others.”

….

Photograph(s) copyright Shaun O'Boyle

This very, very short story has given me nightmares and inspired me to write a few of them down and turn them into stories.

Here it is:

Thomas Bailey Aldrich wrote this circa 1870:

“A woman is sitting alone in a house. She knows she is alone in the whole world; every other living thing is dead.

The doorbell rings.”

Awesome

Bravo Thomas, Bravo!