Did You Hear The Story About The Cemetery Engineers?


Ogilby Nisbet and Dunny Vipont work at Leaning Birches Cemetery where they dig graves.

They don’t dig graves with shovels, like they used to do in the old days- Ogilby and Dunny use back hoes. And in addition to the new world equipment in an old world job now days Ogilby and Dunny are have titles.

Instead of being called, ” Grave Diggers- they are refered to on their job applications as  ‘Cemetery Engineers’.

Though, if you ask them, they still call themselves Grave Diggers.

Ogilby and Dunny are two very practical guys.

One afternoon Ogilby and Dunny were watching a funeral procession making its way to the children’s section.

The Children’s Area, unfortunately tagged with the nickname ” Baby Land ” years ago by the locals  was decorated with brightly colored pin wheels and stuffed animals and plastic toys looked from a distance- providing you ignored the gravemarkers- more like a playground then a graveyard.

” Hey Dunny, did you hear about Mira Bane?”

They watched the hearse stop and then the Funeral Director lined up the pall bearers and they carried a little white coffin to the grave Dunny had dug early that morning.

” Nope.”

” Shop talks says  she’s coming back.”

Dunny mumbled, ” Damn.”

” Indeed Dunny. Damn indeed”

” I truly hate that woman Ogilby.”

Dunny shrugged, ” Don’t we all.”

” You know, ” Ogilby said as they watched family of the dead child bow their heads ” I thought the last time was really the last time. I mean, she hates us, we hate her, the only person who half way can stand her is Danny Clay” Ogilby said referring to the receptionist at the Funeral Home ” and that’s only because Danny’s family for the most part are patients at Endalen and Danny  will trust anyone with the keys to her house who  is not on anti-psychotic medication.”


“Well. Inmates. My point is, why does she keep coming back?”

” Whoops. Heads up. It looks like they’re winding it up down there. ” Dunny said. ” I don’t know why she keeps coming back. Hey. Who cares why she keeps coming back. We know how to take care of that particular situation. After all. We have the tools and the know how.”

” Yeah. Aren’t we the lucky ones.” Ogilby mumbled.

” I think so.”

” We are truly the low dogs in the pack. ” Ogilby said to Dunny.

” No we’re not. We are Cemetery Engineers.”

” Shut the hell up Dunny.”

” Come on. we have a job to do.”

Dunny and Ogilby walked back to the maintenance building and instead of walking around to the back where the heavy machinery was parked and discreetly hidden from view by greenery growing behind and in front of a nine foot tall cyclone fence,they walked through the side door and into the room where the gardening and maintenance tools were kept.

Dunny choose a shovel and Ogilby took a pick axe and they walked along the side road to the old Cemetery- which according to the little brass direction side at the curve in the road was called “Remembrance Hills “

” The thing of it is Ogilby, if you do a job right the first time, you  shouldn’t have to do it a second time…”

” Or a tenth.”

” Yeah well. “

” This just makes us look bad Dunny.”

Dunny didn’t say anything he just sighed and when they got to the leaning birch tree they saw the ruined lawn and the knocked over headstone and they both said ” cripes. ” at the same time.

Every time Mira Bane came back the grave under the birch tree ended up looking like this and it was Dunny and Ogilby’s job to fix it- they had to get the maker repaired, they had to put down new sod and then they had to do it quickly and quietly and they had to be ready to drop what they were doing and blend into the scenery when someone walked or drove by, which happened a lot because tourists loved this part of the cemetery.

So that also meant they had to work clean, which was not easy when you were dealing with dirt.

” I hate Mira Bane. ” Dunny and Ogilby said at the same time.

Then they watched the dirt shift and then they saw a pale white hand, tinged with purple and missing its thumb nail work  its way up at them from the dark dusty earth under their feet and Ogilby said with a pained expression on his face and in his voice  as he raised the pick axe over his head” so why does she keep coming back?”


2 thoughts on “Did You Hear The Story About The Cemetery Engineers?

  1. Beautifully done, a loving and adept tribute Anita.

    Your twisted stories always get me with the little wry jabs like:

    ” This just makes us look bad Dunny.”

    October and Halloween are twice as much fun with scary stories to read at your blogs 😀


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