You know what would be funny?
Buying someone a Funeral Plan and handing it off with a bunch of flowers
and a fish wrapped in a vest.
Oh My GOD
I am going to be laughing for the rest of the day over this one.
When I was in school they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up.
At the time I was about 10 and that person was not a young woman to be trifled with.
I knew I was SUPPOSED to say a Teacher or a Secretary or a Mom- none of which appealed to me because I knew a lot of women who did that work and they weren’t exactly happy when they left for work in the mornings. It seemed like a grim existence.
I knew better then to say what popped into my head, but I did it anyway.
So I told my teacher I wanted to be a Hang Man.
I was great at knots I said plus, I’d seen it done a million times on TV so I was pretty sure I was ready to enter the work field of my choice.
She told me I was being silly.
That wasn’t a real job, besides women didn’t do that kind of work she said firmly.
The trouble was, I believed her.
Years and years later I was reading a book about death and one of the chapters dealt with executions and in particular there was a part about Ted Bundy.
One of the witnesses who could only see the eyes of the executioner ( Bundy was electrocuted if memory serves ) remarked that the Executioner had long thick eyelashes- they kind a woman would have.
Now this is noteworthy on two points- getting sent to Hell by a woman after what Bundy did is just to delicious for words.
I must say, if those words were a cupcake it would be topped with three inches of thick delicious frosting with a deep rich velvet cake buried in there somewhere.
Second point, I read that line a few times, let the book fall on my face in despair ( I was reading in bed, because nothing says fun, fun, fun like reading about death before your eyes shut and you’re plunged into darkness) I thought to myself:
Son of a bitch, I missed my true calling.
Because someone else answered the phone before me.