Costumes, Candy and an Untimely Death

Trick or Trick

Let’s imagine it’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?


1973 was an infamous year in our family.

That was the year my Grandfather got into that accident on the Duwamish Bridge.

Something hit his card pretty hard from behind and his car was forced off of the bridge into the water.

That happened on Halloween Morning.

After the Police came by and told us that he was gone, where to collect his body and how sorry they were my Mom sent me and my brother outside to bring in the pumpkins.

She and our Aunt took down the decorations Dad was to busy to buy candy because he was talking with the Funeral Home  and for the rest of the evening relatives came by and our house went from Holiday to Mourning in less than three hours.

As darkness fell me and my brother could see our friends darting from house to house in their Halloween Masks made from plastic and swinging their Trick or Treat Pumpkins wildly in the air.

” Grandpa would say we should be out there.” My Brother said ruefully. ” He’d have bought us eggs and TP too. Grandpa knew how to do Halloween right. Remember the time  he stuck those fake heads on poles  Because Mrs Green gave us toothbrushes and apples?”

” Yeah. He said he was surprised the old bag didn’t hand out socks and underwear too.” I remembered out loud. ” And remember the time the Brices forgot it was Halloween and he helped us wrap their car in plastic wrap

Just then my best friend Prixie waved as she ran by our window.

I flipped her the bird in return.

” They’ll be sorry, we’re gonna get tricked for sure and you know who will have to clean up the mess right?” my brother said with some satisfaction in his voice. ” I’ll bet this time our house gets tricked and I’ll bet eggs and shaving cream are in our future. THEY deserve it.”

“Serves them right for keeping us in doesn’t it?”

” Right.”

We ran up the back stairs to our bedrooms- I put on my  thin plastic scary witch mask complete with scary witch plastic costume and met my brother  was dressed up as race car driver on the way back down.

” Your costume is dumb” I told my brother.

” You don’t need to wear an ugly mask he told me.

Then  snuck down into the basement and out the  basement door  that let us out into the  alley and disappeared into the chilly Halloween Night.

When we got back our family was stunned.

” Do you know what tonight is? ” they asked us all at once.

Actually they were yelling it.

” Um. The day Grandpa died.”

” Yes. ” My Grandma said patiently. ” It’s also Halloween “

” That’s why we went trick or treating. It’s Halloween.”

” And you two should have been home a half hour ago.” Grandma scolded us ” Kids your age shouldn’t be out after seven-thirty alone.

My Grandma took my plastic jack-o-lantern and shook the candy out on the table.

” I hope you two didn’t eat the good stuff on the way home…”

” Hey!”

” Your FATHER ” Grandma said pointedly at her son
“didn’t buy any candy and if we don’t have any of those chocolate bars your Grandpa liked-“

We heard a knock on the door-

There’s  going to be Hell to pay.”

Penny For Your Thoughts

wpid-wp-1406034526802.jpegHer name doesn’t matter, his name doesn’t matter but as for  his Wife…

Oh her name matters very much and I’ll tell you why.

Her name was Penny-  and she was indeed the lucky Penny, the bad Penny, the one cent people give along with their opinions so you won’t punch them in the throat when they give it.

He met the former Penny Dyen in a bookstore.

She was flipping through a book and chuckling to herself and that’s what he was taken with.

That deep rich laugh.

She looked up from her  and he looked down into her dark brown eyes.

He introduced himself and she closed the book and gave him her name and two months later he gave her his last name.

It was on their first wedding anniversary he asked if she remembered the title  of the book was that she had been enjoying so much.

The one that made made her laugh and drew him towards her.

” Oh. Yeah. Sure I remember, it was a hoot.”

He waited for her to answer because she had started to laugh again.

He couldn’t help but to smile.

” It was The Exorcist. The Devil in that book reminded me of someone I knew once.”

His mouth dropped open. ” You knew someone like…”

” Oh don’t worry Sweetheart. He wasn’t as cute as you and is totally out of my life now.”

He was never scared of Penny.

He felt like the person after they skydive for the first time, or fight off a  shark or find themselves in the eye of a tornado.  That’s what he felt like  with Penny in his life

Penny  never slept, he never saw her actually eat food and the neighborhood cats, dogs and small children all sounded someone was cutting their heads off when they saw her walk by.

But he would be the first to tell you after awhile he felt like a visitor in the world Penny came from- he never quite got a handle on the way she seemed to always know things before they happened or how she seemed to just appear for a second and was gone like a puff of smoke.

So every once and awhile He went back to his  old world where people didn’t stare into mirrors for hours at a time talking backwards at their reflections because as Penny explained that was the only way the words would come out right on the other side.

His problem started when he brought someone into the world he shared with Penny.

She was an old flame- very old and when  Penny found out how old she was Penny laughed and said, ” Sweet Baby Jesus, if you wanted a bag of moldy bones to love, we got plenty of those in the back yard. I could have dug some up for you. I’d be glad to, it’s getting crowded back there.”

Beyond that Penny didn’t seem to concern herself with His ‘Moldering Cadaver’ ( as Penny called her )

But the Moldering Cadaver cared very much about Penny.

She called Penny and Penny agreed to meet her at the Park down the street from Penny’s house.

Their conversation was actually very brief.

She wore rings on all of her fingers, her hair was cut like Penny’s and she was wearing nose bleedingly high platform shoes.

Penny looked down into Her eyes and was not surprised to see the Sanity draining from them as they spoke.

Penny was not surprised because she had that effect on people.

The part where She pulled out the gun and fired it right between Penny’s eyes.

That was new.

Poor Penny, the neighbors said with some relief.

To be shot in cold blood like that and how morbid- that old Park was actually part of an old cemetery and whoever had shot her in the head had also bashed her face in with a piece of broken tombstone.

That was a shame, people said with honesty. Penny had actually been a beautiful woman in life.

He married Her after a year.

Of course the sanity did not magically find it’s way back into Her head sadly enough.

She now  drank too much, smoked too much and wrote far too much poetry about passion and regaining one’s youth again and made Him listen to it.

He would sometimes wish during those readings that Penny was there laughing into her books about Demonic Possession or history books about the Black Death ( good times baby she would say as she wiped the tears from her eyes ) and torture.

He missed Penny, but it was probably a stretch that she would take him back- being that he married the woman who killed her.

One night, he was sitting on his front porch smoking one of the Cuban Cigars that Penny had stashed in the library upstairs.

She loved to smoke cigars and the habit had rubbed off on him.

So on that biting cold November evening He was wishing Penny was there to smoke with him when Penny walked up the steps.

Her face was beautiful again, the bullet hole was gone.

He stood up, took her into his arms and he said

” Penny, I’m so sorry. I … “

Penny took the cigar from his fingers and kissed him. Her eyes burned bright and she ran her fingers through his hair. ” You always have been a little Devil my love-“

Penny  turned him loose  turned  and opened the door to their house.

Then Penny squared her shoulders, popped the cigar into the corner of  her mouth and called Her name- actually Penny  howled Her name  like a demon escaping from Hell is probably a better way to describe it.

And  Penny said as she walked into the house-

” But as we both know, I’ve always been a bigger one.”

Wish I May Wish I Might….

Originally posted on MY ENDURING BONES:

Nothin’ But A Good Time
Imagine that tomorrow, all of your duties and obligations evaporate for the day. You get the day all to yourself, to do anything you please. What types of fun activities would make your day?


I love it when people tell me about their nightmares.

I love having them myself and when I have boring dreams where my brain is sorting out the junk that’s been piling up in there I wake up and think, ” that was boring, what a waste of REM sleep. “

So if I had a day to do exactly what I wanted, I would spend my day crawling into people’s skulls and give them the best nightmares EVER.

I would hold nothing back, I’d fill peoples dreams with murderous Aliens from Venus, diseases where your body parts drop off and you spend your dream trying to glue them back…

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Grandma Tilly’s Wishing Well

Originally posted on MY ENDURING BONES:

Three Coins in the Fountain
Have you ever tossed a coin or two into a fountain and made a wish? Did it come true?


I never throw coins into a fountains and make wishes because of what happened at the Old Well on my Grandma Tilly’s  property 50 years ago.

She had this well way back on her property- just passed the family cemetery and from there almost a half mile from the tree where people liked to hang themselves

Grandma Tilly figured about a dozen people hung themselves from that tree. Grandpa Wolfie was all for cutting it down but she was convinced those souls were caught in the branches and if she cut it down they’d walk around her property and make it creepier than it was already.

” I don’t think  that possible Tilly.” Grandpa Wolfie said once as they stood under the tree and looked up into it’s…

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Tately Grund: A Cautionary Tale


Tately Grund  was always meant to do big things, great things, he was meant to make his mark on the world.

That’s what drove Tately Grund to do the things he did.

The very distasteful, odious things that would make the Devil blush. From what I understand he did exactly that on more then one occasion.

But I digress.

I’m here to tell you a story about  Tately Grund and how he came to make the acquaintance of one Livia Frost- Frosty to her friends- not that she had many of those.

Livia owned the one and only Funeral home in Burnside, Washington. She owned the cemetery too and most of Cross County was buried there.

What that adds up to numbers wise  is  a lot of dead bodies and they’ve been taking up residence at Leaning Birches Cemetery since 1904.

Livia lived just across the street from Leaning Birches and her old bone white house with the stain glass windows and and her front door with the dog’s head knocker didn’t exactly say ‘welcome’- .

But you’d be surprised how many people did visit Livia’s Bone White House with the stained glass windows- they didn’t go to the front door though. They walked around to the back door- down that little path lined with those white flowers that only bloomed at night and smelled faintly of cigarette smoke.


It wasn’t a long walk to her back door, it just felt like it if anyone were to admit to taking that walk which nobody ever  admitted to doing.

So no, I don’t know how they figured out Livia Frost had a way of getting things done and knowing things that nobody should know- to be exact she knew the kinds of things that most people took their graves.

Tately Grund took that long walk to the back of Livia’s house and pulled open the screen door and knocked.

He heard footsteps, he heard a lock turning and the door swung open and Tately Grund looked up into the eyes of Livia Frost.

Part of Tately wanted to run, part of him knew that nothing good was going to come from stepping over that threshold into Livia Frost’s kitchen.

But he did it anyway.

He followed her through her kitchen, down a hallway lit, if Tately Grund new as much as he claimed, by  gaslight fixtures. The hardwood floor under his feet were polished to a high gloss and there were pictures of the same man and the same cat and the same two dogs in different poses in frame after frame after frame.

He stopped and looked at one of the paintings of a cat and said, ” I had a cat like that once.”

” I doubt that very much Mr Grund.”

They stopped in front of a door and Livia took a key from her pocket and put it into the lock.

She led him into a sparsely furnished room.

One table, two chairs a fireplace that needed to be cleaned. The curtains were closed. It was cold in that room.

Very cold.

She motioned for him to sit.

” So how does this work?” he asked as he sat.

” You tell me what you want. And then we figure out how to make it happen.”

” And it costs…”

” Does it matter?” she asked as the light fixtures around the room blazed on and the shadows grew long around them.

It took him less then a second to answer.” No.”

” Fine Mr Grund. Talk to me.”

” Do you know Astor Brock?”

Livia rolled her eyes up and shook her head. ” Politics. ”

” Exactly. Politics Mrs Frost. Astor Brock’s wife was a suicide, and more then a couple,pf people,believe she was driven to it with a little help.”

” She wasn’t.”

“Well. What they don’t know is why. I do. That good woman-”

“For the most part she was. Actually.”

” She k Continue reading